A Spectacle of a Post

I’ve noticed lately that there seem to be three four distinct ways that people push up their glasses, and yet not a single study has been done about this. “10 Things You Can Tell About Your Man By How He Pushes Up His Glasses” seems like a perfect headline for a women’s magazine in the supermarket checkout line, and yet nobody is doing this important research. So here’s an overview:

Method 1: Placing one hand on each side of the frame, use the fingertips or midfingers of both hands in concert to raise the glasses into a comfortable position.

Celebrity who uses Method 1: Actress Tina Fey

Method 2: Using the fingers of just one hand, grab the frame front securely on one side and push the glasses up into a comfortable position.

Celebrity who uses Method 2: Magician Penn Jillette

Method 3: Using just one finger, press upward on the bridge of the frame, raising the glasses into a comfortable position.

Celebrity who uses Method 3: Journalist Clark Kent

Method 4: [Added after being mentioned by Pavel in the comments] Spread the hands across the face, with a thumb on one end of the frame and a finger on the other. In one motion, push the glasses up into a comfortable position.

Celebrity who uses Method 4: Pavel in the comments below

I think method 2 is the inferior method, because it raises the glasses unevenly and could cause strain on the end pieces or hinges. Method 3, meanwhile, may be the simplest and most efficient method, but seems to be associated with nerd behavior for some reason. Do people deliberately use method 2 over method 3 just to look cooler? Method 4 is efficient, but I’m not a fan because it temporarily obstructs one’s vision. But perhaps there is a refined technique I haven’t considered. I have not yet formed an opinion about method 1. But surely there is a university out there looking for some useless research to do, right?

Method 1 is fundamentally flawed - although it looks “cute” it requires way too much energy (moving two hands instead of one). I think this is associated with self-righteous people who just want to look cool…

I think you’re right about #2 - it’s people who are trying to avoid #3. This means they are less confident with themselves.

#3 people are either confident, don’t care what people think, or do this method because it is the simplest and they’re busy or deep in thought. There’s no time for glasses adjustment, man! I’m working on important electronics here!

I see #4 … as a variation of number three, but for people who are more conscience of taking care of their property. People who do #4 are more likely to be money savers and they own cars for longer than other people.

I only got my glasses ~15 months ago, so I’m still figuring out whether I like #2, #3, or #4 best.

I had no idea that #2 was pretentious, but I tend to do it ironically (exaggerated), so I must have assumed as much on a subconscious level. I find it advantageous in that the rim doesn’t need to slide along the nose to reach its destination, and it allows for fine-tuning.

#3 is efficient, but if your nose is greasy (I’m 17) or you push it up too far, the efficiency comes at a price.

#4 is nice if you don’t want to raise your hand too high, and you don’t mind hiding your face. It’s a good alternative to #3, if you like symmetry.

There is another method, but it is probably only reserved for super nerdy people who carry bags a certain way. Since my glasses only tend to fall down when I am walking briskly, I have developed a habit of turning my head, dipping it slightly and using the knuckles of the hand that is holding my purse high up on my shoulder. They usually hit the glasses in the middle, sometimes touch the lens but since it is the back of the hand, it doesn’t smudge them. The trick is to do it so fast that no one notices since it is kind of ridiculous.

How great is it that you posted this after I’ve been thinking OBSESSIVELY about this very thing for the past few months??

Is it strange that I’m peculiarly attracted to men who use method #3?