You Misunderstand “Cat’s in the Cradle”

You remember Cat’s in the Cradle, the song about a father who doesn’t really connect with his son. It was made famous by Harry Chapin, but the lyrics were actually written by his wife, Sandy, as a poem about her first husband’s relationship with his father.

It begins like this:

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when publishedMy child arrived just the other dayHe came to the world in the usual wayBut there were planes to catch and bills to payHe learned to walk while I was awayAnd he was talkin’ ‘fore I knew it, and as he grewHe’d say “I’m gonna be like you, DadYou know I’m gonna be like you”

The lyrics continue to describe a busy father who isn’t around for his son. The boy grows up and goes to college. The third stanza describes a day when the boy is home visiting, and the father finally does want to spend time with him. But the son isn’t interested. He wants to go out with his friends.

Eventually, the father is an old man and his son is grown with a family of his own.

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when publishedI've long since retired, my son's moved awayI called him up just the other dayI said, I'd like to see you if you don't mindHe said, I'd love to, dad, if I can find the timeYou see, my new job's a hassle, and the kids have the fluBut it's sure nice talking to you, dadIt's been sure nice talking to you

And in a moment of sweet irony, the father realizes:

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when publishedAnd as I hung up the phone, it occurred to meHe'd grown up just like meMy boy was just like me

The conclusion here echoes the opening. In the beginning, we have a child who looks up to his father and wants to grow up to be just like him. And at the end, the father laments that that’s exactly what happened, although not how he would have liked.

And ever since I first heard this song, I’ve always accepted that interpretation.

But only recently did I realize that the father’s conclusion isn’t correct at all. His son hasn’t grown up just like him. His son is busy because, unlike the father, he is prioritizing his family. His kids have the flu. He can’t neglect them to chat with his father who wasn’t really around for him. He has to go take care of his own kids.

But the father still sees the world revolving around his own needs and fails to see this. The father may not be a priority to the boy, but the boy’s own kids are. That’s not “just like” the father, but a contrast. The father is an unreliable narrator.

Once that dawned on me, I can’t hear the song any other way.

But wait. What if I’m wrong? I mean, the song was written about a real relationship between real people, not imaginary characters. Could I be the one who is misinterpreting things? Maybe I’m overthinking it.

So I reached out to the one person who could tell me: Sandy Chapin.

At 87 years old, Sandy is still active, writing poetry and making appearances in support of her own work as well as the Harry Chapin Foundation, and Long Island Cares, the food bank that Harry founded in 1980.

So I emailed Sandy with my theory and asked her to settle the question for me: Is the boy just like his father, or does the father’s ego blind him to the fact that his boy is not like him at all?

A few days later, I received an answer through a representative:

The representative suggested that perhaps this means it’s open to interpretation.

And then I felt embarrassed for wasting this nice woman’s time with my silly question, and made a donation to Harry’s food bank to make up for it.

Here is Sandy Chapin talking about how her poem became a song:

And that’s it for another newsletter. Thanks for reading. Now go call your dad.

See you next time!

David